Huge package of 11,000 fake willies to finally arrive in UK after long drought

Huge package of 11,000 fake willies to finally arrive in UK after long drought

A MASSIVE package of giant willies is heading to Britain – ending an unprecedented shortage.

Over 11,000 cheeky penis products are currently heading to our shores via the Suez Canal.

And it is good news for Brits, after a global shortage left some unable to get their hands on a rubber willy for well over a year.

Problems with the global supply chain, sparked partially by China’s draconian covid lockdowns, halted production of many of Britain’s favourite rude props.

However, a 400m Liberian vessel is currently heading in the next week, just in time to save summer for thousands of hen parties.

“As a hen party provider, rude accessories are our bread and butter, so not having any willies come into stock has been hard to swallow,” said Matt Mavir, Managing Director of stag and hen specialist Last Night of Freedom.

“That’s why we are so desperate for these to arrive – a hen party without a blow-up penis just isn’t the same.

“Thankfully everyone’s prayers have been answered, and there should be more than enough willies  and blow-up dolls to make it through the year.”
The ship’s stash includes:

  • 6,000 blow-up blokes
  • 3,000 portable peckers
  • 2,000 giant 6ft willies

The nation has been battling a plastic penis shortage since las Spring.

And since then, blow-up penis props have been hard to come by – while inflatables also haven’t been excempt from the cost-of-living crisis.

Sky-high shipping costs have meant those lucky enough to find one have ended up paying way more than they did a decade ago.

“We searched long and hard to find a British firm that would be able to fill in, but nobody was able to step up to the plate,” added the businessman, who has helped organise over 45,000 stag and hen weekends.

“Ultimately, the world is still very reliant on the likes of China for manufacturing, be it toys, mobile phones or – in this case – huge inflatable willies.”

Bar an unforeseen hiccup, all 11,000 willies are due to arrive in the UK on July 23.

However, the ship must still navigate its way through the Suez Canal – sparking jitters after another huge vessel got stuck there in 2021.

There was global chaos when the massive Ever Green container ship blocked the canal for six days. And Matt admits he fears being blamed if the world was once again brought to its knees by his huge stash of blow-up dolls and 6ft willies.

“It would be the biggest c*** block in the history of mankind,” he added.

Discover more from Home

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading